A SOUL'S WORTH

The green point in the ecg monitor rocked up and down, distorted yet valiant. Ram gazed at it intently, amazed at how it depicted ones survival. A soft tune distracted his thoughts and he glanced around clumsily where it came from...”damn it”, he cursed the culprit which was his watch under his son’s pillow. It was already 1 p.m. and he had not even realised it. Jeevan Jyoti hospital was his home now, he had left his business to his friend, had’nt been to his house even for a moment since the whole last week. ”anything for you son, anything”, he whispered. It broke his heart to see his son in this condition, ”why so much of pain to such an innocent being”, he thought, casting frequent glances on the ecg monitor. A tear welled down his cheek on his hand, he looked at it “only this much for so much of pain?...”, he wanted to blame someone for all this...who??..his fate? His deeds?..he had always been an honest man throughout his life, never had he betrayed or cheated anyone, always helped the needy and the sufferers...vengeance was excruciating him from inside..his eyes fell on the wall, a vibrant sticker with two eyes announcing , “God is great” stared back at him. Ram thought for a moment.. he had been an agnostic, never had he gone to a temple..religion didn’t bother him but all these customs, rituals, sacrifices for something illogical were repulsive to him. “if God exists, and he is to be blamed for all this??”, he thought.

His childhood flashed before his eyes..his father had left him and his mother to go to the Himalayas in pursuit of God. ”Dont go father”, he had pleaded crying..”this is my destiny son”, he had said...his mother sat in a corner of the house praying to keep her husband safe..”he has to go beta, that is what God wants” she pacified him. Since that day religion and his father had left Ram disgusted. “if God never existed”, he had told his mother, “father would have never left us and even if he does exist, he made me an orphan”. Ram had come to the city, worked hard and had made a place for him in the din and hustle. “i am a self made man he thought, i don’t owe anything to God, neither have i ever asked for anything from him”...”what an irony “,he smiled seeing his name on an envelope, ”Mr. Ramkrishna Sharma”, he read out his name aloud, careful enough not to awaken his son..he put on his specs and looked closely at the envelope. ”Hell”, he said to himself, ”why do people always forget an a in my name”..he corrected it, and read it again Mr. Ramakrishna Sharma..”when you were born the chief priest of the village had named you after the great devotee, and predicted that you will follow the same path” his mother had told him. The irony was maybe his father had swapped destinies with him.

“Mr. Sharma”, a soothing voice woke him up. Ram looked at his watch it was 6 and he had dozed off in his chair last night. “i see you had a good sleep”, Dr. Ramani smiled at him. By the time he returned from the bathroom, the doctor had done the routine check up. “any improvements doc??”...” i am afraid, no”..Ram frowned and sat down beside his son. “Mr. Sharma, we will need a donor soon, your son’s condition is deteriorating..your son needs ab -ve sample blood, it is nowhere available in the blood bank. Perhaps you could contact your friends or relatives”. “ yes doctor i will”, fumbled at the loss of words. “don’t loose heart Mr.Sharma, we still have 48 hours. Why don’t you visit the Lord Vishnu temple behind the hospital, many people go to pray for the patients there”. “i have never been to a temple”, murmured Ram. ”well maybe the Almighty wants you to be there now, i ll be back in the evening..take care”..Ram’s conscience battled against the doctor’s opinion, will my belief anyway affect my son” he thought..”i have never worshipped, never been to a temple, never believed in God...even if he exists, why will he help me”..random thoughts plagued his mind, “they say God is omnipresent, why don’t i sit and pray here itself??..the conflict continued..” the doctor knows nothing, freedom of speech should be banned in india”. .”if i go to the temple, i ll have to spend atleast rs 200 for no reason..the doctor maybe getting a percentage of money from there also”...after a great ordeal he got up, thinking that he has nothing to loose and still trying to figure out a valid reason not to go.”Anything for you son”, he kissed his son’s forehead and left.

It was a cloudy day outside, but the sun still shone bright. Ram walked past the clutter and chaos without hearing a single thing. His heartbeat had reached a 100 and his ears were muted, his feet were burdened with his ego. Is this how i prove my soul’s worth? Was I destined for this moment or i carved it for myself? With every step forward his pulse deafened his ears, he was the murderer of his own conscience. The voices inside were piercing his soul. His childhood, his good and bad moments flashed through his mind. He passed through a butcher’s shop...it had a large photo of lord shiva, he looked at it amazed...”how can God bear this sight? An innocent animal being butchered”. Just then the butcher came inside after attending to a customer, he washed his hands and put an agarbatti infront of the photo..blood gushed through Ram’s brains, he felt drained out..”God is love, he is there in every generous act..it struck him..we are his children and he is our father. He is there guiding us in every step, every moment of our lives”. He felt orphaned..at some distance he saw the temple, he felt as if it had opened its arms for him..he longed for some love,he longed for some soothing warmth, tears filled his eyes as he ran..he could see nothing but the temple.

Ram fell on the temple floor, curled up crying like a child. people gathered around him,he had gone numb, he kept on crying.. he felt somebody soothing him, running fingers through his hair..”Father i am here”, Ram murmured..through his teary eyes, he saw somebody smile at him, it soothed his soul..he had found peace..the place became bright, was he in heaven?? Did he see God??. He slept off on the floor like a child far away from the pain brought upon him.

Everything seemed blurry to him, Ram rubbed his eyes and found himself on a hospital bed. Frantically, he got up and looked around, got off his bed. Jeevan Jyoti hospital read a calender on the wall, he realised it and ran for his son’s ward. Dr. Ramani was standing there, smiling at him, “we got a donor”, he said..Ram felt speechless, he went and hugged the doctor. “Dont thank me Mr. Sharma, you never knew your father had the same blood group as your son. Ignorant, i must say”. This was too much for Ram, he was not well equipped to handle so much emotions at a time, his mind started reeling. Just then his father came out of the bathroom, he had a long flowing beard, looked heavenly. “Father”, he fumbled..”I am sorry son, I should have never left you..i realised it very late, when i came back to the village you people had already left. I came to the city in search of you, but in vain.A new mandir was being constructed here and they appointed me as the chief priest..finally God listened to my prayers and i found you today in the temple, i was surprised that you recognised and forgave me”,he sighed. ”God is everywhere, he is within us..all he needs is a bit love and affection, after all he is our father... He was in our home when i left for the himalays neglecting what he wanted me to do..and see how well he took care of you.. i am proud of you my son, very proud”. Ram hugged his father, fighting away his tears, the sticker in the wall looked at him, he could now see the smile in the eyes. “God is great”, Ram murmured.